What Are We Doing? Pandemic Edition

This is just the perspective of the new normal in the San Francisco Bay Area of Livermore. And a 13lbs little dog who is our comfort and often our joy and distraction.

We are homeless and have been living in the car my Dad bought back in 1999. Never meant for this, but it has been home for us for more than a year. Humans and canine. It has often been too much for me, due to my health and what I am dealing with, but Will has been my rock and my anchor throughout. And living not in a home for 3 1/2 years longer due to a horrible, cheap, narcissistic younger brother who would have preferred him dead along with their mother would have been perfect.

Neither of us have ever anticipated a Global Pandemic with nearly zero Community support. Who could have anticipated a Global Pandemic? Governors Cuomo and Newsom have been proactive. Our President, reactive. And they still are.

Will can speak in his full voice. I can speak with my “full voice” when I type and rarely otherwise. My handicap that no one sees or can appreciate. Afterall, I look fine! And am treated the same, often my “issues” are summarily dismissed by older people because I don’t have it as bad as them. How about it’s not a competition? How about just I’m sorry you aren’t doing well? How about what can I help you with? Not a plethora of excuses for why you need me to correct my immediate behavior because your 3 year old granddaughter shouldn’t be exposed to Covid 19 in a hotel laundry room at 8:00 PM while I’m trying to dry my laundry while you’ve been creeping around for 3+ hours doing load after load while I’m trying to get two done while little miss keeps running about nearly causing me to fall twice.

But do I say anything? No. Not until she confronts me about the two dryers I’m using out of 7. Why is it my responsibility for her being unable to dry her never ending supply? My clothes aren’t even dry, but I should take my clothes while still wet because she’s inconvenienced? Because her granddaughter shouldn’t be exposed to Covid19? How about keeping her in the room granny? Keep her safe!

I broke down and started crying because I couldn’t take her anymore after days of being expected to accept – without question – anyone more susceptible than me. Someone who has visual issues. Someone who never stops complaining how susceptible she is to every germ and fragment of dust. Someone who doesn’t have a car to shelter in place in – but that has no bathroom, no microwave, no sink, because it isn’t considered a safe place to live! A woman from CityServe, a local agency made comments to the effect weren’t we blessed to have a car and they couldn’t take us and make the choice between us and one other woman who needs a retirement center or convalescent facility. Us or Mary. Are we heartless? No. How about some of the creek tweakers who slept outside and were fine until you all gave them a room, tv, and a delivered meal everyday? They were fine with the virus until you put us together

That sounds bitchy. Sorry. I’ve been through too much in the last few weeks. Besides dealing with an out of control alcoholic who protests he’s not an alcoholic too much, especially when he’s just purchased 3 liters of cheap vodka at Safeway and claims he’s fine, I’m the one with issues. Like what? My TBI that makes me incapable of handing such trivial little issues like your drunk driving while I have 50% of my bad vision with very old glasses? Like those little issues? I am sorry I am such a drain on you. Excuse me for trying to love while you are hell bent on dying honey.

Not a walk through a sunny field on a beautiful summer day. That bright sunshine is too bright for you cave dweller. It’s just enough light for me to see. You sleep while I drink another Lagunitas IPA. I need to sleep tonight too, but not at 7 pm.

It’s been rough. And Will knows I love him and he doesn’t like he’s back to drinking so much but his back is giving him lots of pain and issues and the meds aren’t working at all. Depression plays a huge role.

Your financial situation isn’t helping either. I have a message in to Chase because I have 12 $34 INF fees and a $450 credit coming back to my account for Larkspur Landing Inn for booking more nights than needed because CityServe threw us out, and threatened the police. Will says to be nice since I still need tires and a new battery, but I say Fuck Them they put our lives in danger and didn’t give a fuck about us. They caused me to be taken to ER for a possible stroke episode as I am high risk and I felt bad taking up their time and not being Covid19 positive. Yeah, they checked but by a process of elimination, not an actual Covid19 test. We don’t have that many, after all.

I’m looking at you dRump. Don’t get me started how thoroughly unpresidential he’s been.

This is the worst world encompassing danger we as a human race has seen since Polio, WWII, the Spanish Flu or the last plague. Certainly most mishandled. Have Mardi Gras! Open for Easter! Ignore every other nation! Call it the Kung Flu! Blame anyone and everyone else, except the man at the helmet of the leader of the free world since it is not his fault. He said so! It’s Obama, the World Health Organization, that guy who just raised his hand! Not him, it is never him. Comparing his ratings and the polls, and we have people dying due to lack of ventilators and PPE at major hospitals in New York City – his home town. And governor’s better be nice or he won’t help them! How about he won’t help them anyway if they’re not rethuglican? He halts the USNS Comfort for a photo OP and delays it by almost a day and then when it gets to NYHarbor, it doesn’t accept patients and has less than 10 patients over the next 24 hours because it isn’t accepting Covid19 positive patients. Or a naval commander losing his post when he voiced concern for his ship crew when several on board showed signs of having it?

Did the world go crazy and spiral into TP and sanitizer hoarders, or was that just Americans? The lines outside Costco to local liquor stores for those in search of either or BOTH have been stupid long. Did a store have masks for infant’s? No, and why would you bring your infant to said store and ask, petri dish Mom? I swear to God but when did we get so idiotic? Toilet paper, sanitizer and masks for babies? Argh!!!!

But, I wouldn’t be posting to just give a snapshot into my little slice of hell. My cousin donated from Norway, my dear friend Suzy who certainly is in no shape to donate but did, and thanks to those fine ladies we had enough for a few nights of shelter when CityServe made their choice to leave us out in the cold. No one from the public offered a penny on my Facebook Fundraiser. So here I am with that in hand again. My account is in the negative and it’s just the 10th of the month and it’s Easter. I owe storage fees and my cell bill and there’s the rest of the month with bald tires and a very low battery that had to be jumped this week to get to our current lodging supplied by Abode Home Navigation. More on them later, but they have been very helpful in bringing us closer to being housed, until our Navigator left. Her replacement starts this Monday. I am hopeful, that’s all I’m willing to say. Hopeful for what, who knows, but something. I have sidestepped death too much this last year and longer. That should have never happened. You realize who is friend, acquitance or bystander when you’re life is turned upside down and inside out.

I truly wish I never had the opportunity to know that. Decades of knowing and caring for people and I meant nothing to them in their lives. Not worth any inconvenience certainly.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/wag-willandygrace

Discrimination in the Homeless Community

What? Since when? Ummm – for-ev-er!

And why not? There is discrimination in every community, especially from those that say “I don’t have a racist bone in my body! I have a good friend who’s _________”. If you have to point to one friend to prove it, you’ve got issues beyond race. Showing it without having to prove it is the key.

For instance – I had a dear friend Dianne. We worked together for years and she found me a place to stay last year for a bit. We’ve had our issues, but we overcame most. I failed to realize her feelings on a particular subject, which I wasn’t able to process at the time. That TBI is a bitch to work with too often. Especially when I was usually the first to clue in on subtle issues that most people failed to even try to understand. I was Lucy from Peanuts or the “Horse Whisperer” for Adults with “issues”. No nickels needed, but I did put out a plate for donations for my Jelly Belly dispenser (as a joke). Again, too subtle for most, but the Jelly Belly dispenser was much loved, even though Loan Officers would complain about having to pay a penny. SMDH. Do you think they were free at Costco or the Company reimbursed me? No. I did you big babies, I had to sit and listen to your whining every damn day when your deals went South or the Client went with someone else, or God forbid the Lender said No, even though I told you it was a long shot with that Lender but don’t listen to me! What do I know as the Operations Manager who secured all those bank approvals? Hmmph.

Some shit just won’t go away. Just like memories of 18-hour days over and over and it still wasn’t enough to make a certain blowhard quiet and not throw me under the Bus with KPMG. That Company had no issue with my work or my process. They loved the fact I was thorough and documented so much just for the annual audits and then they asked a question it took minutes to provide an example or an explanation. Not Mr. Blow-Hard who was on loan from the Parent Company and could not get a damn thing done without a “process”. Like how do you explain the entirety of a computer program’s accounting process with just T-charts on a whiteboard?  For those not familiar with a T-Chart, like this:

2020-02-23 15.31.49

Excuse the hugeness and bad writing. I just had to do it on a piece of paper, take a picture and load it to show what an asshat John was. I had to EXPLAIN an accounting process handled by computer software (Epicor Vantage ERP) in these T-Charts for every function within the entire Program to prove to him IT was working as it was programmed to!!!

AAARRRGGGHHHHHHHH! WHAT AN OBSTINATE LIMP NOODLE!!!!!

But I digress as usual. John just pissed me off that bad, and unfortunately, the “project” ended up being $40M over budget. Yes, $40,000,000.00 Over Budget. I had to be wrong – but I reconciled every purchase order from the beginning with all of its documentation in a consolidated folder, and there we some 600 purchase orders and they were tracked on an Excel Spreadsheet. Yes, Excel. Not Microsoft Project or even in the ERP system as a project. They started out with Quickbooks and Converted to Epicor and it didn’t convert everything! Geez, we were still explaining THAT 5 years later and John couldn’t because as a CPA historically talking with Auditors – no one knew a damn thing about how a program actually functions! Computers do updates and there are no issues, right? Says no one who ever had a computer crash after an update. And the majority of the people actually involved weren’t there anymore!

Why the term “cluster-fuck” still exists for situations like this.

I managed to work through ALL OF IT and documented every expenditure that they wrote a check for from each system. Yes, we still had access to Quickbooks on one Computer, thank God. Honey, I killed trees printing reports and proof of my findings and even doing Jonh’s damn T-Charts to indicate the Debits and Credits.

I idiot proofed it. Or so I thought.

When KPMG wanted to know why my Project Report showed $40M more spent then they had – they had made adjustments in prior years since they didn’t know the extent of the computer transfer issue – John said it was MY mistake and that I didn’t have an accounting degree from any respected University and either did the other “girls”.

Who did the monthly interest adjustments on the loans and had to “teach” the accounting department of our US owner how to do standard loan interest accruals – which John felt it necessary to speak with KPMG to see if I was correct? KPMG reminded John I was an Operations Manager at a large Mortgage Loan Brokerage and “if I didn’t know how to do accruals, I wouldn’t have a reputation that preceded me.” Why they doubted John’s excuse why “we” were $40M out of balance all of a sudden.

And he thought I was taking too long with closing up the Project Report and adding everything to hard inventory for tax purposes, depreciation and actual Company worth! Yeah, just me and that was a supposed small part of my responsibilities. That bastard wanted me to do monthly inventory in the Yard of our produced product, which just happened to be Steel Pipe for infrastructure products and eventually the Oil Industry.

The Company closed a couple of years ago. The “Parents” decided it was a huge loss with a series of incompetent morons.  Clue for the future – when you have domestic and international ownership and a severe intolerance for each other’s habits/ways/thinking it just ain’t gonna work, regardless of how many homeboys you send to “fix it”. If they can’t speak the other’s language, you’re going to have an issue.

  • Example:
    • Group A is so lazy!
    • Group B is so anal! And they say shit about us!

I am using this as an example of how processes can break down with opposite intent. Yes, Group A did make a comment about Group B’s laziness, but Group A didn’t realize how offensive that was to the men in the factory who didn’t take the amount of pride and need for acknowledgment that a job is done nearly perfect for a supervisor’s approval. It’s done to spec. It’s over. Move on to the next one.

Welding in these huge pipes was an issue. And they weren’t passing after the first “repair”. That cost us time, a customer’s calendar, our bottom line. Pish posh. Not the Mill’s problem.

And that’s what Group A was bitching about. I really couldn’t blame them. Why I hate the direction Union’s are going. It was different when I worked for Bernie and Fred. We were part of GCIU, we weren’t the Teamsters. They are now. Bernie would have agreed with Group A, even with his Jewishness at the onset. He would have respected their opinion and probably agreed! Bernie was never racist. He showed it in his actions every day. That’s who I learned from. You can talk the talk, but can you actually walk the WALK.

To bring this back to the point, Jesus never said: “except for”. He knew Judas would betray him, but did he walk away and said: “except for you Judas, you betrayer”. No. That wasn’t the way he spoke or handed down the Word. And that should be respected on the Lord’s Hallowed Ground.

The homeless community sees a lot of infighting. Often over something stupid, such as a belief that a backpack is yours just because of common initials in permanent ink. You want to throw down over a backpack? Strip off your jacket and shirt so your opponent won’t be able to grab something? You can’t discuss this like adults? Or you get into a shouting match with a meth-head that is accusing you of stealing his jeans and a blanket, even though you have your own jeans and a blanket. Oh, and he threatens your car and your dog while he is at it. In the Lord’s House. And he creeps on you and tells anyone who listens your a thief and you steal stuff all the time. He’s been told you are disabled. So? Everyone has a disability.

Everyone has a disability.

That is irrational. No one says that. The homeless community does. Will accused me of faking it and having emptional breakdowns intentionally.  He knows differently know. I dragged him with me to UCSF. He heard what the Neurovascular Doctors had to say. And he has had to witness and be my defender when my brain goes into chaos.

I have Will who understands and defends me. Now. What about the others?

They are on their own. Attacked for being weak and being alive and being homeless and that person could get something extra they don’t deserve, supposedly. Even if that person has REAL issues, not the paranoia that comes from Meth use or other chronic addiction.

That is the problem – those with addiction or have psychiatric issues or both. That one is fun! Not. That’s like being in a knife fight with a butter knife and your opponent has a samurai sword. Your “loss” is inevitable.

I just can’t stand listening to the justification of “their” opinion or their taunting someone with a disability. It’s assumed you’re a meth user if you’re homeless. If you’re a woman, you have prostituted yourself for shelter. Or food. Or a bath. You’re marked as a “whore”, a word on my personal Do Not Ever Use list. Gunn/Mom used that too frequently and liberally to explain away my “tardiness” for coming home from school. And my cigarette smoking. But for a youngish woman to call a disabled senior woman I know a “whore” to continue an argument in a restroom more than half an hour since they separated, was purely evil and ridiculous. And the one that wants to keep the argument going is saying she’s “proud” of whoring around.  WTAF?

Will likes her. She does meth regularly and she did it in front of me, and I am never around people who “use”. I don’t like being around it. Will knows that. He’s a grown man. I can’t say NO if he doesn’t mind and it’s not like it was my home. That won’t happen there. Ever. I just don’t like her because she shares her “topic” of discussion such as dick size which isn’t interesting to me, or who she’s done in the past. I have never liked that type of talk and my friends didn’t participate in such topics as a group.

Will doesn’t believe me. Too damn bad, fluffer.

Living a life of principle isn’t easy very often. Just like walking in God’s Grace isn’t a pleasant and quick jaunt. It’s all the time, but I do slip or my brain is too tired to deal with someone’s bullshit. I can’t deal with it like I used to, but I’m not the same person. And none of these people know WHO I was before. No one. Everyone who knew me (almost everyone) before isn’t in my daily sphere.

I think it’s time to wrap this up. Simply said, don’t isolate someone that is different in your opinion. Or comment about them to lift yourself above them. It’s mean and cruel and it doesn’t put them in the limelight of fault – that’s you basking in that bit of sunshine. I don’t regret what I have said about certain people today. I’ve done to their face on numerous occasions. I had the words and the ability to speak my mind once. I still can with time and clear thought processes.  I will again someday.

By the way, Dianne was a fabulous Project Manager that I came to emulate later in life. She also happened to be of Chinese descent and was lesbian. The latter two didn’t ever matter to me. She was my awesome mentor and a good friend.  I was proud to have her work ethic. That did matter.

Watch out, haters! Venka will be back once more.

Today is Wednesday, I Think

I’m in a flu induced haze. I call it Danny Plague since he gave it to us for Christmas. Merry indeed. Bah humbug. *Cough*Wheez*Collapse*Sleep*

One day melts into the next and EVERYTHING is the same, except the amount of rainfall overnight, how wet we are in the car, how cold we are in the car and how sick we still are in the car. It all comes down to the car and how much worse it all is.

I have tried to update my Youtube channel daily, but “daily” isn’t happening. You can see the latest “A Day in My Life” here https://youtu.be/zW9Q2BgTsSg

When I can make it a OneTinySoapbox Channel, I will. Need to do research and study, but there are only so many hours in a day and when those hours are plagued impacted it’s a crapshoot.

Just like contacting an attorney. I have contacted dozens and the only one who was interested needed a down payment for an expert. You had a stroke, they told you you had a stroke, what is the problem? They didn’t tell you what kind? Does that matter? Yeah, it kinda does. Especially since I’m still suffering from the results of it. And they missed a bunch of stuff. Well. that doesn’t matter. You’re still alive and that is what matters. But….my quality, or lack thereof, of life? Pishposh. that is not OUR concern.

I am so cold. I have had the chills for days and it won’t improve with the temperature not getting out of the low to mid 50’s for the next two weeks.  And rain.  I haven’t had a shower since Christmas Eve and it doesn’t look likely for another few weeks. Hell, we need to laundry anyway.  And my glasses are getting worse, as is my vision. I don’t know what I can do about that except try to schedule with my BARA doctor and have the surgery approved to stop the Eye Aneurysms. And wait for stabilization. And THEN get a new eye prescription. That will be a few months out and just glasses as usual. I can forget contact lenses as they are not a necessity. Who wants peripheral vision anyway? Or be able to see in the rain? Or not have to worry about sneezing while driving and knocking over your glasses? Or worry about fog on your glasses? Or being able to breathe normally? Certainly not me. Not since the age of 11.

I can type anything, but who will listen. Suzy, you did an awesome thing! You contacted the local paper! Thank you! It makes a difference. And those of you who contributed $5 to our campaign – bless you! But does that make a difference in the long run? It may keep us alive with hope but it doesn’ change much for us. Just plodding ahead one day at a time. My goal is $100,000 and my campaign has raised $4880. In a little over a year. That’s $406.66 a month. It helped get us into hotel rooms, paid for needed repairs to the car, even a hot meal at a restaurant, but we never used any of that money just blow it on “fun”. We have never gone to a movie. We camped. That is as exciting as it got. And we enjoy camping when we aren’t going to freeze to death.  Or be flooded out.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/life4wng20

To help us. I don’t know how much more I can take before I hit my cap. I don’t want to die, but living like this isn’t a “choice”.

A Different Approach

I am thinking of different topics to address, as opposed to poor, pitiful me, and since this is a topic I am currently a statistic of, why not?

Homelessness nationwide is an issue, but the West Coast has been particularly hard hit. An estimated 500,000, or 1/2 Million, individuals nationwide are in uninhabitable housing, the pleasantly cleansed word for delicate souls. Or is it non-racist? Politically correct? Respectful? Fuck No! I am in uninhabitable housing!  I am homeless. And whatever non-offensive phrasing you, Mr. Government Amoeba Paperpusher/Dr. Sleepy Pants HUD Secretary, use it will be no different. Unless I am like too many, sleeping in a tent in a creek bed, wrapped up in a sleeping bag under a tree or wrapped in a cardboard box, or in a dumpster, I am still homeless in my car. A car is uninhabitable housing!

Your survey is wasted tax dollars as it is highly inaccurate, as usual. How do I know? I was asked to be involved in the Homeless Count this year and the parameters are a joke.

A few weeks before the “Night” they decide to do the count (a night? Really!?), a group of volunteers per a district get together to discuss “What to look for”. It was laughable, insulting and disgraceful. I will give you an idea what was suggested to look for:

  • People with shopping carts and too many shopping bags
  • Disheveled people, visibly unbathed, carrying odd things
  • Mismatched or ill-fitting clothing
  • Puddles next to parked cars, i.e. human waste (Loved that one. NOT!)
  • Large amount of personal litter, next to a car

Let me say, the majority of the questions were answered by homeowners that fall into the category of “Not-in-My-Backyard”. Nimby’s. The Homeless know them too well. Sadly, many Homeless are also drug addicts, alcoholics, mentally ill, off-their-meds, DGAF, etc. Thieves have a home, or a hole, or a safe place to hide. Homeless don’t. Do some break into homes? Yes. But, the chronically homeless still have enough self respect to respect other people’s property, unless they are family. That’s a completely different dynamic that I won’t address, because I have no personal knowledge with a normal family. Dysfunctional, you betcha!

The majority of homeless people are very self-conscious about their appearance. Bathing regularly is a must. Keeping properly groomed is a must, especially men! There are those who are so physiologically gone, that grooming isn’t something they are aware of. And there are those that are so far gone in their addiction, or allusion, that it doesn’t matter. They are the ones that in the “community”  *we* stay away from.

I will give you an example. I’ll call him Ned. I have no  personal association with a Ned, other than Ned Flanders, so I can’t offend anyone.

Ned is a couple of years younger than me. Ned is homeless, has a grown daughter and living parents. Ned smokes pot and does meth and God knows what all. He is also a part-time hoarder. He hoards stuff until it disappears, or is stolen, or he believes it is stolen, or he gives it away. He desperately wants a woman in his life. I know this first hand, and had to deal with some shit he said about Will. Will has known him longer, better than 2 years? I think. Ned has had medical issues, had a heart attack, severe water retention issues, edema. He’s kinda fucked up y’all. Now, he had built a fire at his campsite with treated pallet boards and it impacted his eyes. He told me yesterday that he needs an optical surgery and they may have to take his eyes. He could see me, and this has been an issue for a couple of months. I don’t doubt Ned has a severe issue, but being homeless and needing medical care is a huge one! And he will routinely make a mountain out of molehill. Many know his parents and have met them or his sister, so the homeless grapevine is healthy and thriving and keep the fables at bay. I do care for Ned, but my partial brain can’t handle his little boy crying wolf routine. Others, including Will and I, have real health issues that will eventually kill us, not self-inflicted bull-pucky exaggerations. Being Stoned or High is self-inflicted and I just don’t care. Haven’t since I was 17 and some things just don’t change.  You’re an addict and want to live that life? Have at! Just don’t think I want a special invitation to join you.

Just so you are aware, most homeless don’t defecate next to their vehicle.  Some might, if they can’t find a bush and I know a few whacks that defecate in the public square intentionally, but they have problems that were dealt with at those “Hospitals” back in the day. The practice of dogs not shitting where they sleep is also  human trait. We use public restrooms at Safeway, Starbucks, Panama Bay, Ross, TJ Maxx, Carl’s Jr., McDonald’s. We like to wipe our bottoms and wash our hands, thank you! And we do not leave it a mess. If you think we loose all sense of human decency, you are wrong. My God, Will is so fastidious he drives me nuts! He has to shave regularly and complains when he sees himself as unkempt! Clean clothes without stains are a big deal. And a pleasant color palette.   He is Gay after all. Some behaviors will not change. That’s why he makes me chuckle. I love him to death, even when he is Gayer than Christmas Bloomies.

I guess, I could say it simply, perception and reality don’t talk, meet, or have anything to do with each other. And a few small-minded people can dream up whatever they wish, but it won’t make it so.

 

 

https://www.insider.com/map-how-many-homeless-americans-there-are-in-each-state-2019-11

Good News – We’re Still Alive

I know….I haven’t published an update in months. I can explain.

My award from Social Security came through. There was a snoopy dance and rib eye fir dinner and I took care of:

1. My car registration

2. The overdue rental fees on my storage units

3. Cutty (Dad’s Cutlass) finally got fixed

4. I bought camping gear

5. I learned how to camp

6. I discovered that having Social Security doesn’t change a damn thing

I have an income. I no longer qualify for food stamps because I’m not poor anymore. Well, I qualified for $15 a month. A steady diet of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches is in my future!

I’m a homeless diabetic. Today, the Church that provides meals to the homeless served lasagna and tasteless vegetables. They had some yogurt and mixed fruit. I ate that. And half a Turkey sandwich from 7 Eleven that was on special. $2 Wednesday!

If I had a home, I could cook. Make meals. Plan meals and freeze. Buy cheap frozen dinners when they’re on sale and never have to worry about my “numbers” again (blood glucose/A1C). I’d never have to worry about needing a bathroom or where my bed would be tonight. I wouldn’t have to worry about being seen when I am incontinent and lean up against the car or sit on a picnic bench to pee for 10 minutes. There is no communication between the down below and central command. The stroke severed most communication and I don’t see a doctor until December. I’m still trying to get a portable commode and Depends since my insurance will cover it, but the Company doesn’t have a street address to send it too. I don’t have a street address? I’m homeless? Well, the doctor needs to tell them for it to be approved. Medicare doesn’t know that I don’t live in an approved domicile. And I can’t specify that, only a doctor.

?????WTAF??????

And I’m “car camping” in Fremont tonight so I can see my endocrinologist tomorrow so I can get my diabetic medication refilled SINCE SHE HASN’T ANSWERED ANY CVS PHARMACY REQUEST FOR 3 MONTHS!!! And she’s leaving the practice next week, and yesterday they were going to schedule an appointment with another endocrinologist in that group in a month, but since I wanted to file a complaint with her supervisor, I can see her at 10 this morning.

How convenient. I’m still bitching to my medical provider. This is utter bullshit.

There’s no emergency housing in Alameda County, just shelter beds with rules and regs and “treatment” for any of my addictions. I’m vaping not smoking anymore. I don’t do drugs, unless they are prescribed to keep me alive. I’m not an alchie.

There are days I sleep 20 hours. There are spans up to 74 hours that I can’t sleep a wink. And a shelter won’t care, other than see a doctor. I have! I had a stroke. I have a TBI. As the damage is quantified, strategies can be developed to deal with each issue. Except I have no one working with me.

And I’m homeless with my friend who is an alcoholic, desperately needs spinal surgery and is undergoing a biopsy to gauge the progress of his prostate cancer so he can have radiation, not radical surgery to make him impotent and incontinent (like me). He’s accepted his gayness since his Mom died. He hasn’t had the time/opportunity/freedom/courage to be “gay” as he wants to be yet. Neither of us has found the love we have always needed – our other half.

Will and I have a friendship that is almost that relationship, but we aren’t each other’s half. If you have it, then you know. I’ve come close a couple of times, I’ve been married twice, I’ve had boyfriends. Ans.my heart has been broken more than once. I’m a great hag, but fail to be a good wife or even just a girlfriend. Breasts too small, butt too wide, not enough airhead or bubbly dunce that let’s a man feel manly.

Now, being homeless, and failure at adulting to the list of faults.

I bought a new laptop with my Award money. It’s with the Geek Squad at Best Buy since in the 5th occasion of use, the screen was cracked. Having never “cracked” a screen on any piece of electronics before – laptops, cell phones, PDAs, all the way back to the first handheld games in the 70’s – I took it back to Best Buy, showed them no damage to the Laptop, but the cracked screen has gotten worse. It was the left 1″ section, now it’s 3″. They have sent it to their lab in Kentucky and I am waiting on their determination and what they will charge me for my “oopsie”. And it better be “it’s Dell’s issue, their was a flaw”.

My Sony laptop has lasted 10 years. A Dell can’t “last” 6 weeks? With it’s own heavyduty dedicated backpack it shares with nothing but it’s own power cord and mouse? The Sony had to share a bag with my Franklin and finance files. Still waiting. It’s been 2 weeks.

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A Fresh New Start

I had a blog for a few years. That was with Blogger, and kinda died. I’ve got Facebook, but it’s become a label factory. It’s not a license to be a douche, people. So, I’ve taken my tiny soapbox to the Internets to put my opinion to a broader audience. What will I write about? Whatever comes to mind. There will be sharing of what I’m doing in a post-stroke new life. There will be posts on knitting. It’s been too much a part of my life. Stuff on siblings that I didn’t know I had. Photography stuff. Beer experiences. Books. And the occasional rant over something. Probably political.

Join me on this new venture. And wish me luck!